You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
