it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
