You just made me feel so damn special
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
