my being single is dangerous.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
