Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
