so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
