I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
