Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
