My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
