I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
