go do what you do best...puke behind churches
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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