Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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