STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
