tell your sister to shave her snatch
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
