I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
