And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
