You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
