babies were throwing up all over the place
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
