i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
