I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
