please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize