PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
