I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
