I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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