He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
