what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize