i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
