Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize