On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
