it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
