It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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