I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
