god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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