either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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