Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
We smell like vodka and hangover
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize