I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Randomize
