First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
send nudes
from the living room?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
