i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
it's like heaven, but drunker
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
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