Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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