gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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