The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Randomize
