OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
