Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
