we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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