I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
