I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
