i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
