It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
