whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
