we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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