Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
