Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize