I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
