I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
