Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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