Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
