Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize