We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
