Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
