i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
