i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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