my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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