Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
