Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
