Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
