the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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