you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
