when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
