were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
