now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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