I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize