if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
