I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
