I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
