His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
