thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
