im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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