Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize