Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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