i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
