So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
why is half of my head shaved?
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