The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
