I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
