woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
