did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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