my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize