Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
