I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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