I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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