He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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