It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
