And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
