your room smells of hookers.
And success
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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